the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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