Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
