you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
