What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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