don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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