I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
