So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
