i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
