Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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