my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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