just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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