someone threw a dead crab at me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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