it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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