We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night