I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Boobs speak an international language.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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