Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
