I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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