Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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