He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
