This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i think my cat just said my name.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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