the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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