bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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