Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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