ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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