just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
