I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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