Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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