I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
