I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
