we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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