HIV tests are more positive than that guy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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