the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
