Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
