Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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