you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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