Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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