She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
