I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
do nipples grow back?
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