I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You're my little dorito
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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