The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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