you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
