So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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