Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
