So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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