Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
