come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
