did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
