Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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