Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
FUCK WHALES
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