Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
