All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
