if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
