Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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