His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
