apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
please come you make the beer taste better
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
