there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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