Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
