dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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