yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
