Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
