I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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