so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
