Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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