i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
