Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
