Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
