just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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