Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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