At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize