you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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