dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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