I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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