you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
